Abundance

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I wrote my first mission statement shortly after moving to Portland, Oregon in 2007. It was a queue from reading “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”- a university graduation gift. Drowning in romantic chaos, I needed a simple statement to recenter myself. Being an engineer and feeling adrift, my “simple” statement covered 1.5 pages. While it stuck with me for a while, I missed the point of what the exercise was about.

I spent this weekend in southern Idaho with the ManKind Project making up for a seminar that was cancelled due to wildfires in August. Called a “New Warrior Training Adventure” it was a unique opportunity for personal growth. I could write a lot about what we did, but I’d rather demonstrate what I learned in the way I live my life.

Among other things, we wrote a mission statement for ourselves. I had updated my original a number of times over the years, but this time it felt like I finally wrote something that really fits the bill:

“I create a world of abundance through authentic self expression.” (Skander Spies)

Abundance shows up many ways in my beliefs, and it is good descriptor for how much I got out of the seminar. Self help seminars have a stigma- I’m proud to say it was a cool experience that delivered as promised. Growing as a man in my community is as much of an adventure as anything, and I was proud to take the time this weekend to take the next step.

Respect the journey you were brave enough to put yourself on.

Twenty Nine

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The next step. (Photo by Brett Kvo)

(ed. note: number counts are updated as of 11/2/13)

The last day of my 29th year was a tiring one. Looking back The goals I set when I returned from Australia have mostly eluded me. Every year will have highs and lows. Things will always be crazy and they will not go according to plan. If your goals elude you, that is a good sign they are worthy enough. The perspective of the first few days of my 30th year reminds me that it has in fact (of course), been another excellent year. Time with my Australian family, an amazing trip in the Wind River, and an increased objection to the notion of what “should be” have been a few among many highlights.

Homestyle birthday breakfast- thanks Paul.

My roommate Tess and I share our birthday on October 12, and we shared simple motivations for a joint celebration- climb with friends then eat great food. Without any additional effort, the gifts of the day were very much greater.

The only thing brighter than the fall colors were the people.

About 10 people showed up Saturday morning to celebrate by climbing. By 7pm, our group had become a 30 person potluck extravaganza in the best way. The night ended at an awesome performance at the Top Hat, with a few more folks that didn’t make the potluck.

Bellingham based Polecat tore the roof off an already great party.

The existential questions have always seemed to sit with me too easily – “am I working the right job?”/”hanging with the right people”/”spending my time wisely?” Being goal oriented has been part of my M.O. for as long as I can remember. I’m starting the 30th year though in a different direction. My penchant for responsibility and thrift moves me towards more experiences and fewer things. While cleaning up on Sunday, Tess’ friend Greg shared a more succinct view of aging:

“In our generation, success is more about what you have experienced than what you have bought.”

This may seem ironic given that my birthday present to myself was taking some cash out of the bank for new skis. The house I was hoping to buy next spring doesn’t really fit my goal of owning fewer things anyways. New skis and new friends bring the promise of new experience and new quality. The question of the 30th year is not “how do I do more”- it is one of “how do I do less, better.”

Thanks mom, for reminding me to take time, let my belly out, and have fun. (Bernice’s Cupcakes!)

Treasure and Bonk

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Friday afternoons I usually cut out of work early and get out for a hike (if I’m not driving somewhere for the weekend), but this last Friday I stayed late and collapsed on my couch around 530. I had expected to drive to Leavenworth, but the weather made climbing unattractive, so my weekend was unexpectedly open. I didn’t even want to think about making plans.

About 10 minutes later I was just drifting off for a nap, when my friend Jeremy called. I was tired. “Can you be at my house right now?” [10 min away by a vigorous bike]

“What’s the gig?”

“Well it’s a treasure hunt with a historical trivia game, adventure race, and math problem inside. Oh, and there is $1000 for the winning team…”

(pause)

“But I have to be there right now?”
“No, the race is tomorrow, but we gotta strategize. And there is a pre-race meeting.”
“And we’re going to win, right?”

Todd (in helmet) sprints for the opening clues.

I have a willingness to get my rump off the couch that never fails me. That willingness is also rarely wrong, which helps. The event was “Brains and Brawn” and was a fundraiser for the Headwaters Dance Company. It may also have been the most fun single event I’ve ever done.

Headquarters for “the Prize Spies” – no team with a pirate flag can be defeated.

Todd and Amanda put the team together, and we called ourselves the Prize Spies. Amanda and Jeremy locked down basecamp to handle research and communications. Joran elected to the 20km trailrun, I jumped on the 40km bike ride, and Todd blew up his packraft to get in the river. Joran left first for the clue at the end of his run while Todd and I picked up each of 4 Missoula historical clues, the last of which sent me on a trip to the Milltown overlook state park. I picked up my clue and called Todd who was waiting to put his boat in the water. All of the clues we picked up had part of a geometry problem on it. Amanda and Jeremy solved the geometry to create a map that pointed to the treasure. With Todd and I both thrashing around on the south side of the Clark Fork for 40 minutes, the second place team had ample time to eat up the lead we had put on them in the biking. At the last minute I recognized the driftwood T, and picked up the spray painted treasure chest just ahead of team #2.

Typical sample clue.

Finding the treasure in a neck and neck race is amazingly fun. Thanks to all the participants, but especially my amazing teammates. That was a whole lotta fun.

After the race I was still feeling spunky, so I hit the climbing gym and some ugly weights. My unexpected empty weekend was getting full fast. I raced home, grabbed a shower, made dinner with Steph, and met Simon at a party with my cello. Somehow, he convinced me that joining an epic mountain bike ride on Sunday morning was in order.

We left at 10am, and climbed straight uphill until noon. The race, and the squats from the gym left me feeling gassed at the start. Needless to say I didn’t make it all the way to sheep mountain with the boys. The solo trip back down the single track got very, very cold, and I was happy to spend the rest of Sunday in a coffee shop with a hot drink. I haven’t bonked quite that hard in a while, and it makes me understand why I see so many mountain bikes here. Good thing I need another adventure sport like I need a hole in my head… Thanks for a fantastic ride boys, and thanks to my stellar roommate Paul for the loaner bike!

Tougher than me. Nick, Simon, and Jack head onwards to Sheep mountain.

Treasure!

Lander, WY

The Cirque

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Part II of III

I didn’t make it into the Cirque of the Towers on my 2002 Wind River trip. There was a forest fire in the southern range and most of our route headed north. I’m glad I didn’t see it then, because I would not have recognized it for the amazing alpine rock playground that it is.

Rock candy. Warbonnet (l) and Warrior 2 (r)

Short approaches, classic routes, and fun friends, all set in spectacular deep wilderness scenery. It doesn’t get better than this. Bryan was supposed to meet me in the Cirque on Tuesday night, so I found a great spot right under the pass and tried to get his attention.

How did this not work?

It didn’t work because Bryan took “the climbers trail” directly into the best part of the Cirque, rather than the hiking trail to the Lake. We didn’t line up Tuesday, and I figured I would go on a scrambling mission Wednesday morning. I ended up meeting Dallon and Rich from SLC on the hike to the base of the classic route on Wolf’s Head, and they offered me a spot on their rope. I led out simul-climbing on the sidewalk pitch and about 80m later I heard them talking to someone. A soloist was climbing fast behind us, and talking about a partner that didn’t arrive the previous night. It took about 3 seconds to realize I had just found my intended partner.

Straight in hands on the ridge. (Photo: Bryan Feinstein)

Bryan, ridin’ the rails.

Splitter exposure. (Photo: BF)

The four of us found a good ledge, Bryan tied into my extra rope, and he and I simulclimbed the rest of the route. Per it’s inclusion in “50 Classic Climbs of North America” it is hilariously fun climbing. Route description is “climb the crest of the ridge, weaving between towers.” You might add- “follow sinker hand cracks and large chimneys, along with everyone else in the Cirque.” The route wasn’t crowded per se, but there were two parties that finished before us, and at least two more that finished after us. I was glad to move fast with Bryan. Not exactly solitude for a Wednesday afternoon. We met Liz and Ryan rapping off, and enjoyed a dip in the lake on the way down.

Summit #1 for Bryan+Skander

Bryan in wonderland on the walk down.

Bryan and I met on my first Denali trip in 2009, and he’s always been a lot stronger and more experienced than me. I knew climbing with him would bring up my game, and his preference for routes didn’t disappoint. We were both drawn to the natural line on the northwest face of Warbonnet. My thought was “damn, I wish I could climb that.” Bryan’s thought was “damn, we should go climb that!” The Feather Buttress is advertised as a grade IV 6-8 pitch 1,000′ 5.10c. We fired the route on Thursday. Goerge Lowe & co. were strong kids- we felt our version was a grade IV 10 pitch 1,300′ 5.11a. I later learned that the guidebook description had been submitted by email, from memory, 30 years after the first ascent. Props to Bryan for powering through the crux lead, as well as the super burly squeeze chimney.

Ready to fire. (Photo: BF)

Bryan, about to fire the crux. (Photo: BF)

The route is named for “the feather,” a 1′ wide sliver of rock at the very top of the route with zero protection and maximum exposure. We were more impressed at the route as a whole rather than this single feature, and it might be the hardest thing I’ve ever climbed. The quality of rock, position, and commitment factors all combine into a superb route that for some reason seems rarely done. There wasn’t a pitch by pitch description in the guidebook and I’m happy to leave it that way. Suffice to say there were a few pitches of 5.8-5.9, and the rest was solid 5.10 or better. I lost my lead head after the 4th pitch, and was grateful for Bryan’s clear vision and steady nerves to punch the crux and routefinding. If Wednesday was spectacular, Thursday was perfect.

Yours truly on the last 5.10 roof. (Photo: BF)

Floating on top of the feather, high above the range. (Photo: BF)

Summit #2. (Photo: BF)

Friday dawned a little rainy, and we were still plenty tired from our adventure on the Feather. We had met Bryans friends Jon, Andy, and Briton on the trail the night before while coming off Warbonnet, and it was fun to share coffee over a slow morning and watch the weather. Around noon we all got the itch, and headed towards the base of the NE Buttress on Pingora, the other “50 Classic” in the area. I wasn’t feeling super energetic, and had substantial doubts about the weather, but the NE Buttress was a route I had thought about since early in my climbing career. We finished the slab traversing by 2pm and Bryan shot up the first real pitch.

We swung leads through the afternoon and stretched the full 60m on almost every pitch. The climbing was perfect, sustained, and secure. Being on the third big route in three days, but left foot was ready for rest, but good weather and a great partner kept my stoke high enough to push through the pain. Andy and Jon followed closely. I popped out the last chimney pitch just as the evening colors were getting good. Bryan and I scouted the raps while waiting for Jon and Andy to finish up and shared the summit with our new friends just before sundown.

TEAM. (Photo: BF)

This place is so rad. Summit #3, on top of Pingora (Photo: BF)

We got into camp just after dark, immediately destroyed several thousand calories and slept hard. Bryan and I looked at each other on Saturday morning and quickly agreed that neither of us were doing anything other than sitting on our butts and celebrating the previous three days of climbing. The weather was increasingly sketchy, and a major storm system rolled in around 4pm. Our crew piled under a sweet boulder cave and hunkered down for the night. Sunday morning was still dodgy, and I was still plenty sore. Bryan agreed, so we said goodbye and headed for the cars at Big Sandy. Low clouds and raindrops made for a comfortable walk out, and settled any doubts we had about climbing- plus I think we both felt plenty “done” for this trip.

Andy and Jon model the rest day tai chi. Open the hips gentlemen.

Perfect is a strong word, but I couldn’t have asked for better partners, a better place, or a better experience. I got what I was looking for, and a whole lot more. This one is going to stand out for a while.

Until we do it again soon.

The Power of Less

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Minor break in the alpine climbing action: yesterday evening I was honored to have the microphone on Montana Public Radio on behalf of AERO Montana and Energetechs Construction. Writing this piece took quite a bit of time and thought. While it’s not perfect, I feel like it’s pretty spot on, and a nice reflection on where my career in Montana has taken me. You can listen on the MTPR evening edition podcast for September 12 (get it here). The text is below, and I would welcome comments and feedback in the comments.

2013 09 12 MTPR AERO Commentary

The Power of Less

This past May I attended two meetings full of contractors, architects, and planners. One was a “listening” session for the public to provide commentary on the adoption of a new energy code for all buildings in the State of Montana. The other was a public meeting of a group called the Northern Rockies Passive House Alliance. Both meetings were about energy conservation in buildings, but the tone between the two couldn’t have been more different. At the listening session, I heard a lot about why any energy code improvements at all will cause reckless damage to a fragile industry. Energy efficiency was seen as a threat, and I left feeling hopeless.

At the second meeting, I listened to two hours of healthy dialogue about the future of the building industry. About how a more aggressive voluntary standard can increase comfort and value for building owners, while drastically reducing energy use and innovating the marketplace. Here, energy efficiency was an opportunity, and I left feeling ready to get back to work. The new state code updates aim for a 15 percent reduction in energy use, the voluntary standard aims for 85 percent. While “green building” is all the rage, meeting these standards while maintaining the budget can be a daunting task that many contractors feel uncertain taking on.

I serve as the secretary of the board for the second group, the Northern Rockies Passive House Alliance. We are a collection of contractors and architects dedicated to promoting an aggressive building energy consumption standard called “PassiveHouse.” I also work full time as a project manager for Energetechs Construction, a small Missoula company that specializes in creating exceptionally comfortable and energy efficient buildings.

Construction wasn’t where I expected my career to take me. I finished university with a degree in mechanical engineering and got a job creating computer models of low energy use buildings. After a few years though, it seemed my models and recommendations never really hit home. There was a lot more to reducing energy use than computer simulations and consulting reports so I started looking for the missing pieces. I came to Montana by chance to attend an AERO annual meeting. I found Energetechs because they knew a lot about PassiveHouse, and I wanted more hands on experience. I joined their team and have gotten to work on some of the most energy efficient buildings in Montana.It has also brought me face to face with the gritty challenges facing the green building community.

If you lived in the 70s you probably remember some popularity around the term “passive solar design.” The idea caught on big in Germany, and scientists there formalized the design and construction principles into a rigorous standard that aims to reduce building energy use by 75-90% compared to the current American codes. PassiveHouse represents the practical limit as to how far it is possible to reduce energy use and represents the future of where our industry can go. In Montana, energy bills cost families and businesses $1.8 Billion each year. If we built every residential and small commercial building to the German standard, we would have $1.4 Billion to invest back into our communities.

Beyond the bottom line, the Montana landscape is one of the best parts of living here. The biggest environmental impact of a building comes from the energy it uses over the course of its lifetime. Delivering major reductions in energy use requires innovative design, more involved communication, and new methods and materials that can seem unnecessary or unfamiliar to many contractors. Cutting edge standards like PassiveHouse pave the way for new methods and materials in the marketplace- that’s why the team I work with practices our PassiveHouse knowledge on almost every project we do, even though we haven’t built a whole certified building yet. The practice has taught us how to meet other standards, like the newly proposed code, more easily and with less incremental cost. This practice has also shown us that every time we improve the energy efficiency of a building, we also improve the comfort, indoor air quality, and overall durability for the building owner.

The construction industry has always been required to adapt to new standards. The proposed energy code isn’t nearly so drastic as PassiveHouse, and it is a good step in the right direction. Better energy codes ensure better buildings for owners and investors, and a better future for our kids. Urge your representative to support the new code in the next legislative session- I am certain that more efficient buildings are an opportunity we cannot afford to miss.

In Missoula, I’m Skander Spies for the Alternative Energy / Resources Organization. AERO has been linking people with sustainable agriculture and energy solutions since 1974. Visit us online at a-e-r-o-m-t.org.

Plasir Means Fun

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Part I of III

I’ve written about the Wind River mountains a few times, but despite their significance for me they’ve been a difficult place to get to in my adventures. 9 days ago I got off work late and pointed the car south with a loose plan and a lot of determination. Putting together partners for the whole 9 days wasn’t going to work, so I mixed and matched to make the most of my time. Sylvia would join me from Lander for the first 2 days, I’d have 2 days solo, and Bryan from Jackson would join me for the last 5 days. Sylvia met me in Pinedale and we made quick work of repacking and getting on the trail.

I didn’t exactly pack before leaving Missoula.

The heaviest pack I’ve carried since Denali.

I got to know Sylvia while I was living in Portland. She moved to Lander in 2009 and though we haven’t linked up often, our time together has always been beautiful and significant. Her climbing focus lies in the foothills of the Winds at Sinks Canyon and Wild Iris, but she was eager to join me for an alpine excursion in the first part of my trip. Labor day weekend normally boasts great weather, no bugs, and good temps for climbing, and consequently the range is packed. We stayed away from the epically popular Cirque of the Towers, and found a great alpine introduction in the East Fork Valley.

“Take the direct line straight up the center of the face for 2/3rds the height of the mountain…” Booyah.

Ambush Peak is huge and hosts a variety of amazing climbing lines. Sylvia always helps me remember to have more fun so when we saw the description for the Ambush Plasir route, we knew where we were headed. We hiked in on Saturday afternoon with huge packs, and I was grateful for the help schlepping two ropes, a double rack and 9 days of food in the range. We made fast work of 12 miles on trail and enjoyed amazing light on the walk in.

We left our camp at Skull Lake around 7am and hiked to the base of our route, dreading the sight of another party already on it. Instead we had our route (and the rest of the East Fork) to ourselves. The route is 10 pitches, with bolted belays but all traditional protection- making it a great introductory alpine route and an easy descent. I lead most of the pitches and got a good reminder that 5.9 slab climbing can still pucker your sphincter while you are having fun. The climbing, weather, and solitude were perfect, but the best part by far was the partnership. It was the longest climb Sylvia’s ever done, but that mostly just meant we had enough time to share the richness of the past few years that we’ve missed each other.

Fun is in fact being had.

Since she left Portland, Sylvia has started a business and made a lovely life in a small place with big beauty. She’s grown in strength of spirit and courage of heart, and am grateful for her friendship. As they are with many friends I don’t see often enough, our conversations were both deep yet warm and fun in a way that only my mountain partnerships seem to inspire.

This is what it’s all about.

We got back to camp after dark on Sunday, shared coffee and breakfast the next morning, and parted ways at the Shadow Lake junction. Sylvia had to make the most of just a few days away from home and I took all the gear and headed towards the Cirque for the next part of my trip. The resonance of the universe is strong with me when I’m in the Winds and despite the weight in my pack I covered miles quickly. It is a special place indeed.

Damn special.

Passings

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For John Wellington, midnight at 14,200′ on Denali.

Three times this summer I’ve been asked to support friends dealing with the death of a loved one. Two were last week. All three were accidents. All were relatively young. I had only met one of the deceased, but the passing of their lives touches lives close to mine. As we are all connected, their passing slows my pace. None of the people enjoyed a peaceful passing. Their deaths were ugly and impossible.

When I die, my body will return to dust, and I am at peace that the memory of my spirit may not matter to anyone. Life is stark and unforgiving in it’s brevity. None of this is comforting. I won’t wax poetic about dying in the mountains, or doing what you loved. 1) it’s not applicable, and 2) that isn’t how I (or anyone I know) aspire to go.

The primary fault in my value system is my belief that my worth comes from my ability to DO something. Anything. Yet death is a certainty- it is the thing that even the best of us are equally powerless against. In death, there is nothing to be done. The first sensation of comfort comes from embracing the powerlessness. I can’t pretend to understand death, nor can I pretend to mend the broken hearts around me. I am just starting to understand living. I aspire to understand loving. Somehow, these are the only responses that seem appropriate in support of my friends.

Death begs us the question of living.
It begs us to dream. To hope. To love. Greater and more fully each time. Though the great injustice of each life unnecessarily snatched away from us compels me to burn my light even more brightly in this life- more than anything else, it compels me to simply be more present with each of my friends.

“And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.” (K. Gibran)

“I didn’t come here for a long time, I came here for a good time.” (Jeff Shapiro)

Fullness

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This post is big, but that reflects the fullness of my summer in Missoula. The week by week since my last post:

Ren and Jesse left for a backpacking trip in Glacier National Park and I hosted a nasty sinus infection while they were gone. Fortunately, I was still well enough to have the pleasure of hosting the incredible Strangled Darlings for a few shows in Missoula.

Sound check.

Jam.

I was prime for adventure when Ren and Jesse got back from Glacier. A last minute invitation to my new friend Simon (and Brian, and Jenna) made for a seriously fun party in Lost Horse Canyon. I love rock climbing.

Ren gets into the crack climbing warmup.

Simon is stoked on the Friday night bouldering jam.

Yours truly getting the goods on Jamboree.

My fine friends on top of the Skyport Chimney. One of the coolest ledges anywhere.

After our Lost Horse extravaganza, I headed back to work, Simon headed to Washington, and Ren and Jesse started the long drive east to North Dakota on the next leg of their adventure. August 10th is an important day, and I had an important place to be.

1100 miles. 0 regrets. Happy birthday my friend.

Dustin and I have a rule to see each other once a year, and he turned 35 last Saturday. I left after work on Friday, got to Portland at 1am, spent all day working on The Commons, and all night playing cello. We worked as late as I dared on Sunday, and I faced the reality our visit was to be painfully short. I made it back to Missoula around 130am on Monday morning and went to work at 7. I wouldn’t have spent my weekend any other way.

The new house rings with the love we put into building it.

Mercifully, I wasn’t on the jobsite so much this week and recovered pretty well. Since breaking up with Sarah in June, I’ve been going to a weekly meeting with the ManKind Project. If you want to change things in your life, you have to actually do something about it. We’ve all got shit to work on in our lives, and MKP provides some structure to put my butt in gear about it. I left Missoula on Friday morning to participate in an MKP weekend seminar in Idaho, but as I was pulling through Challis, ID I got a phone call saying the seminar was cancelled due to wildfires around the location. I was thoroughly disappointed, but headed back to Missoula and quickly made plans to salvage the weekend.

Big and beautiful on the Rocky Mountain Front.

One of the best parts of climbing is the community this arcane little sport tends to promote. This weekend was the first annual Blackleaf Canyon gathering, and by 10pm Friday night, I had a ride over with one of my most important mentors. Simply put, Blackleaf is unreal. I’m not really a great limestone climber, but damn I had fun getting on some big walls with great people.

Tim looks out to the eastern plains.

Did I mention I love rock climbing? My foot has mostly recovered from surgery, but the limestone didn’t treat it well and I still need to be careful with myself. Today is a rest day, and I’m enjoying working back through all the photos.

Is all this driving sustainable? Probably not. Is my life “balanced”? Who knows. Am I making enough money in Missoula to be financially responsible? I don’t want to think about it any more. I am doing enough for the people I care about most? That’s a question worth answering. A few weeks ago my friend Nate moved away from Missoula. Before he left I asked him “Nate, what do you think I should do more of?” He said- “Skander, that’s the wrong question- you need to think about what you want to do less of?” I’ve not done a good job of doing less these last few weeks, but he was absolutely right. I’m not sure I have many answers yet, but I’ve enjoyed a few pieces to help get me pointed in the right direction:

The Medium Chill (by David Roberts, thanks Soren)

George Saunders says love. (thanks Facebook, I think…)

No regrets? (found this a while ago and started thinking about it again)

The newest addition to my blogroll- becoming minimalist. (thanks Karen)

Even when summer is so full and so busy, there are so many important things and people and places in the world. Celebrate them. I think that’s really what this summer is all about- It’s fast and full, and I’ll be grateful when it slows down. That said, there is still a lot of summer left and I’m looking forward to even more fun in the next few weeks.

Rocky Mountain sunset. BOOM.

stickthefeeling

engineering, adventure, and balance

Abundance

Twenty Nine

Treasure and Bonk

Treasure!

Lander, WY

The Cirque

The Power of Less

Plasir Means Fun

Passings

Fullness