How do you stop looking for something you can’t seem to find?

Release the belief that you need it.

Tonight I spent $16 on cover charge and drinks with people that I wanted to care about, but the grand total was coming home feeling empty.

Last night I spent alone, sweating in the gym, and came home feeling satisfied with my life.

I’ve put most of the pieces of my life back together since I stopped traveling one year ago.  Profession, adventure, public service, community.  Romance hasn’t been one of them, and sometimes that feels lonely.  I’ve had this conversation several times with friends lately- that I’m smart and fit and funny and talented- but solo is how I roll whether I like it or not.  Strangely enough, I’m convinced it’s not the external factors that really matter- the music was good, the people were fun, but sometimes you know when you are trying to convince yourself that you’re having a good time.

I’m not proud to write this post, but it’s part of my life so it must be discussed.  The rich experience that some of my favorite couples enjoy makes charging through my life solo seem just a little less vibrant.